[MUSIC] We're going to explore some misconceptions about generosity. Partly because we've been talking a lot about ways of being generous, and I always like to remind ourselves. That everything is not Pollyannish about generosity. And that there's some common misconceptions and myths going around about generosity. So when we talk about doing good and feeling good, because I've already mentioned earlier. Sometimes you can do some entirely or in the short term feels really really good and it doesn't have a good outcome. And I think all of us have been there either whether you're binging on chocolate watching TV. So, the feel good is a very different feel good we've been talking about and that's not when you're doing something good for yourself. But when you're doing good for others, and so are there some things that we should be aware of? And what are some common myths about this doing good for others? And I think I did mention to you even doing good for others may not always feel good or may feel good in the short run. But may not always have a good impact, if you found that you've been cheated where you've been giving you a donation. Or you've been spoiling somebody or continuing to help their behavior you're trying to change. So we must you know stand back from time to time and say okay all right what are some of the other sides of the issue. So, we're going to explore some common myths related to generosity. And the first one I would talk about it is often people think only the rich people can be generous. Well really generosity has nothing to do with the amount of material wealth you have. You can be generous no matter how much you have. And I've always talked to you about small acts of generosity. Of helping somebody or just smiling at somebody and listening to somebody. So, we have multiple ways of generosity and one that really explore more in this module about giving time. Which is another way of being generous and not just having material worth to be given away. Another myth we always have floating around is that generosity doesn't count unless it's completely selfless. Well, we are not condition to be completely selfless, because if we were, I don't think our human race would survive as well as it does. Some of our general city can be certainly selfless, but I don't think every act of generosity is selfless. And you can recall the conversation I had with Jacob which said I really get upset when my generosity is not appreciated. So at the least you want that appreciation, at the least you want to know there is something good that you've done before. You can feel good, it's actually very irritating sometimes when you're generous and somebody. Simply overlooks it and doesn't is indifferent to it, the next myth is it's hard to give up, nothing surplus left over to give. Well, as I've said, It doesn't always have to be in money, it can be in other ways. And even the small gift counts, which is the next myth that small gifts don't matter Small gifts matter a lot. There are many large charities that run and depend on individual donations of $10 and it could be repeated $10 or $5 every month. And if it's done by hundreds of donors, it adds up and it's very meaningful to get a nonprofit to complete its charitable mission. In fact, if you look at the whole picture giving, it doesn't come off from the big donors and big corporations and big foundations. Most of that money comes from people like you and me, so yes, more gifts matter. And that's a myth we should put aside right away. Another myth is based on gender or race that one race in one gender gives less. No, absolutely not true, women are not less philanthropic than men, they give in different ways. And it's the way we count the giving and if he counted as a percentage of how much they have. And that's true about racial giving to the different races give different. But if you look deeply and more nuanced and they're giving. No one segment of population has, the rank of being the number one given. No, the women are not less philanthropic than men, African Americans are not less philanthropic than whites. It depends on how you count generosity, and another myth is that millennials are disengaged. Absolutely not, they do it in different ways and we don't count the ways they do it. And they don't have, if you're only counting in money, well, millennials haven't yet made all their money. And so, of course they looked less generous, no, they're just as engaged. They may show different levels of empathy, but they may have different ways of engaging. I know the man's is about the charities are principally dedicated to serving the poor and needy. That might have been the definition of charity in 1600s when they wrote up the poor law. And gave us side, foundation for our charitable giving and our understanding of those tax deductions and so on. But charitable giving is not only to serve the poor and needy, the needs of our society has changed. They've changed quite drastically, I'm not saying the poor and needy no longer exists. But we also other needs that didn't exist in the 16th century or 17th or 18th century. We give for, and this is considered charitable giving the case according in most countries. We give for supporting educational institutions, we give money to support advocacy. We give money to help save the environment, to prevent global warming. We give money for cancer research, all of these things did not exist. So, no charities are engaged in multiple things, including the arts, so you can give and be charitable if you're giving us to museum. So charities are not only dedicated to serving the poor and needy, yes, there are, but that's not the only purpose they serve. And one of the myths that often comes up in my classrooms when I asked students who haven't yet studied philanthropy. Who do you think are the big givers in this giving arena in this charitable giving arena? And most people think about it and they think, well, there the billionaires. Yes, Bill Gates gives a lot, no doubt, Warren Buffett gives a lot, no doubt. They think corporations give the most, well, that's a myth, we know, we've looked at corporate giving. We know they're not, they do contribute, no doubt, but they're not as significant contributors to philanthropy. My students are very often, okay, don't guess that it's people like you and me that do the bulk of the giving. So that's a myth that corporations are the most significant contributors to philanthropy. I'd like to take off the table right away, they are not. I'd like you to think, that you and I are the ones who are the most likely to get to. Those are the general myths about giving when we're giving. Sometimes people think, what should I do? Should I give my $100 to one organization? Or should I break that up into $20 donations and help five organizations? So is it helping a few a lot or many a little now, I really don't have an answer. And I don't think that's an overall myth, but it's something that travels a lot of people when you're making decisions and how to give right? Should I spread my giving to charities? Will I get, and think about it? What do you, where is your one global bigger? Yeah, if you give the $20 fighting, so each time you feel a little good or you give $100. And you feel really good, but it lasts a short time, okay? I don't have the answer to that, but I want you to think of that for yourself. What would you prefer to do? And again, your answer might depend on your context, are you giving it to hunt organization? Are you going to spread it to five different organizations doing research? Are you giving it to help the poor and needy in one area or you're standing it, you know, far away to a different country. Are you going to be a small donor in a large part of donors? Or you're going to be the big donor and a small part of the donors. So it really is not an answer I can give, but I want you to think about when you make your donations. Whether you prefer to help a few a lot or many a little And we are all very different in the way we prefer to give. Domains are not homogeneous bunch, they don't all donate for the same motive. They don't all donate to the same courses and thank God for that, we're all different. We all have our own life experiences which will guide you whether you want to help a few a lot for many, a little. Ask yourself, about your giving, and then think when is your generosity? Not such a good thing, are you giving because you're feeling pressure to give? Ask yourself, do I really want to give? Am I giving because I don't appear selfish to my co workers or to my family to my friends? Am I giving is a border? Did that make a deal with God that if some of my wishes were granted, I give money to charity? Is this a border type of thing? Or are you giving to an organization hoping that they will in turn invite you to the Gala? Or give you the front seat for something? Or get you in front of the line if you need a transplant, you know, are you doing it at the bottom? We always want ourselves to feel better regardless, forgiving, but is you're giving regardless of what the other person wants. It reminds me of a joke of a boy scout, who's taking this woman across the street. Because he has to do is good deed for the day and the woman is charming. I don't want to cross the street to face. So I mean just giving to make ourselves better regardless of what the nita in society, right? Sometimes are given can be controlling and manipulating when you want to manipulate a situation or somebody else, right? Or simply are we just giving, being generous to we hope that that will help people like us better. Or they will forgive us for some since we've committed or we want to be loved. I think we all have some of these feelings, right? It's very natural because we are human beings to be concerned and not to be completely other oriented. We are self oriented, but we need to check ourselves in the way we give. So despite these myths, despite them things that we may do for ourselves because we're human. Yeah, I give sometimes because I feel pressure, yes, I give sometimes because I want my co workers to know. Yes, I give through my workplace giving for that very reason. It's not that I don't want to give but I channel it in a way and to the same organization, but through my work. So we are all me included, we have those feelings, yeah, but remember that for each of us. Generosity does often come back to the giver. In fact, I'd like to end the session with something that I firmly believe in and it comes from the bible and I'm not religious at all. But I remember this because I went to school in a convent and we've always taught a lot of things from the bible. And it was cast your bread upon the waters, which basically says don't anticipate a reward if it comes wonderful. But cast your bread upon the waters and I'm going to actually read you that from the bible. It says cast your bread upon the waters for you will find it after many days. Give a portion to seven or even to eight for you know not what disaster may happen on earth. If the clouds are full of rain, they empty themselves upon the earth. And for tree falls to the south or to the north in the place where the tree falls there it will lie, he who observes the wind will not sell. And he who regards the cloud will not reach. I find this very telling about generosity, in other words, to cast your bread upon the waters is an expression. That means to give generously without worrying about what you will gain from it or what people will do with it when you give it to them. You cast your bread upon the waters, I promise you always comes back in very unintended ways. And you will find that out when we look at some of the research on giving. And actually we have discussed it already in the ways that it comes back to you. So I'm going to leave you with that saying, Cast your bread upon the waters. Never mind what drives you what drives other people, we all need to be generous in the ways we can thank you.
